As a twelve-year veteran of the suburban “opt-out” culture, I am intrigued by the renewed and misguided discourse on the social dynamics of the insular universe I inhabit. I see the points that are being made. In record numbers, we are getting off the career freeway that was paved by our feminist foremothers, and taking exits that lead us back to marriage and motherhood, financial dependence, cookies and gardening. It does seem strange when viewed from the outside.

On the other hand, having made this choice myself over a decade ago, I am perplexed by the incomprehension that the discourse now reflects.

What Betty Friedan did so brilliantly over forty years ago in her groundbreaking work, The Feminine Mystique, was to describe the cultural coercion that led women to believe they were destined to be housewives. It is precisely because of her work that I have never felt the weight of such antiquated expectations. What did, in fact, drive me to abandon my career as a lawyer were societal forces that have been given surprisingly little attention in the recent “opt-out” conversation. The reason for this may very well be that what underlies these forces is as sexy as tree bark. Economics. Continue Reading »

I remember the day I began this journey with perfect clarity. Sitting in my office, there was a cup of coffee on the desk, a laptop open to a blank screen. From the window I could see my son with the sitter walking to the swing. Even now, I can feel the all-consuming guilt that held me captive as I watched him toddle hand-in-hand with someone else. A mother’s guilt is a powerful thing. What was wrong with me that after only a year on the job as a stay-home-mom I was trying to forge a new one as a writer?I had hardly noticed the desire when it crept in. Driving in the car to my child’s activities, I found myself constructing characters and dialogue. At night while I waited for the baby to call, I put together story lines and plots. The part of me I left behind when I opted-out to raise my kids kept calling me until, finally, there was nothing left to do but admit to myself that this was something I wanted, and needed. Continue Reading »